De Strongest Woman Today Part 2

Continued Part 2.....

Honestly as I grow older, I’ve started prioritizing my health and taking better care of my body. I’m so proud of how I’ve been looking after my skin these days. It makes me genuinely happy to touch my own skin and see it glowing. Thanks to all the expensive skincare and body care products I’ve invested in. If people ask me, if i have decided to travel overseas, the first thing i would buy is skincare and bodycare products. I absolutely love romanticizing my life right now. One of my favorite things to do is treat myself every month whether it’s going for a facial or spa treatment, hanging out with friends, indulging in expensive desserts and meals at cafes and restaurants without feeling dependent, traveling to new places etc etc etc but mainly is my daily routine, the thing that lifts my mood even after a bad day is my skincare and body care routine. These are the most expensive products I own and I never regret splurging on them. Here’s a little secret I’m finally ready to share since I’ve become more open-minded person now haha I love my skin so much that I used to sleep naked every night haha. Only my bestie knows about this because she once caught me in that situation during our two-day trip to PD. This is also why I never let any of my siblings or family members sleep in my room haha I really serious need my privacy yar.

Sleeping naked for women la, men I don't know go google yourself but for women's like me, sleeping naked eventually gives fast sleep quality (restful night), avoid the risk of yeast infections, improves skin health, better body progression including digestive system, avoid breast cancer, good for vagina health, smooth blood circulations from brain, prevent acne, lose down weight, lower cortisol level etc etc etc. See, You may google if you don't believe. Google ya not Chatgtp haha.  

People used to told me to take care of my body while I am young so I won’t face health issues as I get older. These days, I’ve started taking that advice seriously. One of the changes I’ve made is avoiding drinks like sirap, coke except 100plus, milo ais, teh tarik, ice lemon tea, or soya bean after a heavy meal. Now, it’s just ice kosong for me. Imagine eating ayam gepuk and only drinking ice kosong! Fuh, it takes so much courage, but that’s what I order now. When my friends are ordering juice or fancy drinks and I’m just sitting there with my plain ice kosong, it’s not cause I can’t afford it but badan kena jaga orh haha.

This year has been a mix of emotions for me but I am quite happy because it’s the year I finally started earning my own money and building savings without having to depend on anyone. However, I am still dealing with traumas and heartbreaks yet when each day, the sun rises, I find the strength to keep going. Honestly, my life started improving significantly just last month in November but the earlier part of the year wasn’t easy. I’ve faced challenges that continue to haunt me. Slowly though, I’ve begun to understand the meaning of life. Both my inner self and the world around me have changed and I’ve started to truly feel like an adult now. I didn’t enjoy my teenage or childhood years while growing up but as I get older, I want to make changes. In adulthood my goal is simple, I just want to be happy and celebrate the achievements I’ve worked so hard for. Looking back, I realize how brave I’ve been to make it this far. My tears and screams weren’t just dramatic, they were real. I’ve cried so much that it felt like my heart was tearing apart. I was really weak but found a way to rise again stronger. The challenges and traumas I’ve mentioned before are still present in my life but I feel like they’ve eased a little. Sometimes I even feel like I can breathe again. Still, there’s a part of me that just wants to escape.

Home doesn’t feel like a safe place anymore. For me, it’s a place filled with pain and suffering. A few months ago, my pa blamed me of stealing his RM400. Since then, I’ve stopped talking to him. It broke me. When i was a failure and lost, Instead of supporting and helping, he made everything worse. I love both of my parents deeply but they’ve failed to understand me, leaving a big scar inside my heart. It’s sad to admit, but now I don’t feel love when I am with my pa yet, I an still holding onto this fragile bond cause he raised me, and at one point, he was my hero once. My pa has changed after I failed my diploma and to this day, he doesn’t realize the damage he’s done to me. The man I loved leave me with a big wound and scars. I wasn't good enough for him in his eyes while I was so scared to lose him but now, he's gone forever and I have accepted the fate that I am never been a perfect woman to him. I regret for knowing him honestly. It's all my fault. My fault. Just remember guys, this love hurts for years. Every time his name or if I see old pictures last time when I was studying, everything he did to me comes to my mind. Nothing good comes into my mind. Hey, maybe i am learning what truly loving someone feels. Maybe God want me to learn but i will say this is the crulest ever Almighty God has cursed on me. 

My story one day will be a lesson for someone out there. I’ve met so many people who’ve told me they want to be like me that they’re inspired by who I am. Honestly, I’m not sure what it is about me that they see but I believe that one day when i share my life story when i was growing up after SPM, people will remember it and take it as an example for their own lives. I am waiting for the moment when I can stand in front of a big audience and tell the story of how I grew up. I will let the world know once I achieve another dream of mine. I have two dreams. One was accomplished this year, and the other is still in progress, but I know it’s coming soon, Amen.

I will keep moving forward, step by step. And one day, my future family will be proud to have me.

I am growing older and I don't know what my future waits for me. I hope that my next family will be a big, supportive, and loving one. I would be truly blessed if God blessed me. I pray that God will bless me with this kind of family once I get married in the future. I don’t know when it will happen, but I’ll wait until I fall in love again for the third time and this time, let it be forever, Almighty God. I’ve suffered a lot over the years so I just want to be happy in the end. In every movie, there’s a happy ending, and I hope that one day, my life will have its own happy ending. I am praying for that so badly. I have nothing else to say except saying that I deserve to be happy too. I hope my future changes for the better and until then I will stay strong for whatever traumas and heartbreaks may come my way after this.

Women are so beautiful and I am proud to be one. Women endure so much pain and I’ve endured a lot too. I pray that the only pain I will experience from here on out will be when I am in the delivery room bringing my future baby into the world haha. I don’t want anymore pain or heartbreak after this yet can't say. I just want to be happy and smile again.

Do you know what? It’s been years since I laughed like I used to until my stomach hurt. I miss the old me. 

Goodbye 2024. Hope 2025 life will feel good.